My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We are two peas in an std pod
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize