The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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