I wish I could teleport
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
