I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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