I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
