I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I need a beard to bite.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
