I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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