Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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