Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
