I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
