apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
