mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Let's get the cat blown out
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
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