i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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