fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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