Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
