I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize