I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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