did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
