I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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