So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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