He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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