It's Friday. Sex?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
And then he peed in my hair
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