is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize