I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
