just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
