He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
This baby is an asshole
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
