There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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