Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
