Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
