he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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