i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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