I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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