Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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