I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
