you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
