Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
