also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
