Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
