This girl is more easily done than said...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You're like the curious george of whores
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
