Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
