How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
