I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
