I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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