We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
