I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
