the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
