You can't motorboat a personality
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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