She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
