Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
