Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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