I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
