I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
