are you so shy because you have an std?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
