Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
