She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
