What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
pray to the hookup gods
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
