I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
