You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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