Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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