Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
