so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
