Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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