Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
