i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
