I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
