we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
