Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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