I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
