he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
