More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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