Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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