You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
