arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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