my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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