Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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