what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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