I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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