exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
