youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
