...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
