I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
