I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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