Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
