She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
