I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
