your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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