Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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