I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
