Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
