Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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