i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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