dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
