in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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