I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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