He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
