I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Let's paint friendship bongs
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
