i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize