We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
