There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
