even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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