just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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