she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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