my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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